Culture Day, a Tuesday holiday. I came out of the south exit at Koiwa a little after noon, past the covered shopping arcade, and found the neighborhood doing exactly what it does every day: pachinko jingles, a line at the standing soba counter, and an old man walking a shiba with more swagger than I've ever had. Koiwa doesn't care that it's a holiday. Koiwa barely cares that it's in Tokyo.
I had a hotel tip from a friend, about three hours to burn, and a Cityheaven tab open on 人妻最後の砦小岩店: Hitozuma Saigo no Toride, Koiwa branch, filed under 小岩・新小岩 delivery health, with the genre tag 激安 (rock-bottom cheap). Phone 03-5612-8122. Hours are Mon–Sat 9:00 to 2:00 the next morning (last booking 25:00) and Sundays 9:00 to 24:00 (last booking 23:00), with no closing day. The delivery area is listed as Koiwa, in Edogawa ward.
Before I called, I sat on a bench outside the station and did what I always do at a cheap shop: read the fine print until I find where the money actually goes.
The base board
Here's the regular price list. It applies if you meet the woman outside her hotel or check into a Koiwa hotel first:
| Course | Price |
|---|---|
| 60 min | ¥11,000 |
| 80 min | ¥13,000 |
| 100 min | ¥15,000 |
| 120 min | ¥17,000 |
| 150 min | ¥22,000 |
| 180 min | ¥27,000 |
| 210 min | ¥32,000 |
| Extension, per 30 min | ¥5,000 |
Photo designation is ¥1,000 and repeat designation (本指名) is ¥2,000. The fee line says the course price is "service fee plus dispatch fee," which is a polite way of saying it's all one number.
Transport is where Koiwa pays off. If you check into a Koiwa hotel first, or meet out front, it's ¥0. A long list of stations costs ¥1,000: Koiwa, Shin-Koiwa, Hirai, Kameido, Kinshicho, Ichikawa, Motoyawata, Nishi-Funabashi and Funabashi. Higashi-Funabashi is ¥2,000. A home visit is the course price plus normal transport plus the actual taxi fare, so that's a phone call, not a number.
Two more lines worth knowing before you dial:
- A change (チェンジ) costs ¥1,000 at Koiwa station and ¥2,000 anywhere else. At least it's on paper.
- No cancellations after you've met. Also on paper. Respect it.
Door one: the first-timer course (the good one)
The top banner, the coupon tab and the event tab all push the same deal, and they mostly agree. 当店ご利用はじめて様☆安心プラン:
- 85 min ¥10,000
- 105 min ¥12,000
- 130 min ¥15,000 (the shop calls this one オススメ)
Put that next to the board. Regular 80 minutes is ¥13,000. First-timer 85 minutes is ¥10,000. That's five more minutes for ¥3,000 less. The 130-minute option costs ¥2,000 less than the regular 120, and you get ten extra minutes.
The rules, as listed: say "新規特設コース" (or, on the event tab, the password "ご新規割イベント見た") when you book. Designation and transport are extra. It doesn't combine with other deals. And the prices assume a Koiwa hotel check-in. The coupon version adds "ネット予約限定" (online booking only). The event version is phone-friendly. Same price, two doors. Use whichever you're comfortable with.
Door two: the 50-plus course
特設!!五十路妻. Isoji means "the fifties." This course is limited to women aged 50 and up whom you haven't met before:
| 70 min | 90 min | 110 min | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Free (no designation) | ¥10,000 | ¥12,000 | ¥14,000 |
| Photo designation | ¥11,000 | ¥13,000 | ¥15,000 |
The password is "いそじ割". The roster I looked at had sixty-nine women aged 25 to 59, and a good chunk sat in the 50–59 band, so this isn't a gimmick course with two names on it.
Here's the catch. Extension on this course is ¥6,000 per 30 minutes, against ¥5,000 on the regular board. Book 70 minutes for ¥10,000, decide you're having a good time, add thirty, and you're at ¥16,000 for 100 minutes. The regular board does 100 minutes for ¥15,000. The deal turns around on you exactly when you're enjoying it, so if you think you'll want longer, book the 110 up front.
The fine print also says 本指名は通常コースでのご案内: if you go back to the same woman, you're on regular prices. That's normal. It's how they make the first-meeting discount pay.
Door three: the "marshmallow" course
特設・マシュまろ割, aimed at what the shop calls ふんわり癒し系の奥様, soft and soothing married women:
| 70 min | 90 min | 110 min | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Free | ¥10,500 | ¥12,500 | ¥14,500 |
| Photo designation | ¥11,500 | ¥13,500 | ¥15,500 |
Extension: ¥6,500 per 30 minutes. That's the most expensive half hour anywhere on this menu. Seventy minutes plus one extension is ¥17,000 for 100 minutes, ¥2,000 over the regular board. Same lesson, bigger bill. Unlike the other events, the condition here is just telling them "ヘブン見た" on the phone, and the shop adds transport outside the Koiwa area.
Door four: welcome back
お久しぶり割: if you haven't used the Koiwa branch in two months or more, you get ¥1,000 off photo designation on 80-minute courses and up. The password is "がんばれ小岩" (go Koiwa). The shop's own note says that if you can't remember when you last came, call and ask. Honest, at least. It's limited to the ¥1,000 transport zone and doesn't apply to the 50-plus course.
This is where the listing trips over itself. The coupon tab prices this deal as "80 min, regular ¥12,000 → ¥11,000." The system page says regular 80 minutes is ¥13,000, and ¥14,000 once you add photo designation. My best guess is the coupon was built off an older price board and never updated. I'm not guessing in print, though. Expect to pay the system-page price minus ¥1,000, and treat anything lower as a pleasant surprise. Ask on the phone if it matters to you.
Door five: insurance, not a discount
事前予約☆ご予約安心サポート: if you book ahead and the woman you designated calls in sick that day, you get ¥1,000 off any course for that day, whether it was a photo designation or a repeat designation. It won't save you money on a good day, but it's a decent sign. A shop that writes down what happens when it drops the ball is a shop that expects to drop it sometimes and has thought about it.
So what did I book?
The 12:30 standby board showed 堀江 (36) marked 今スグ, available now, and tagged as a staff pick. I'd never used the shop, so the math was easy:
- First-timer 85 min ¥10,000
- Photo designation ¥1,000
- Hotel check-in in Koiwa, transport ¥0
¥11,000 all in for 85 minutes, which is ¥3,000 less than the regular board charges for a designated 80. I made the call, said 新規特設コース, and the guy on the line ran through it in about forty seconds: course, name, hotel, time. He didn't pitch an option or upsell an extension. At this price, that's what you hope for.
A note on the play list, since you'll see it: it's long, and it goes further than most shops print, with a twenty-item option menu of costumes and toys from ¥500 to ¥2,000 on top. I'm not going to catalog it. Whatever you're there for, tell reception before you meet rather than negotiating in the room. The shop's own line says exactly that: "これだけは外せない" (the one thing you can't do without), say it to staff. Good advice anywhere.
Bottom line
Hitozuma Saigo no Toride Koiwa sells itself on three words in the banner: エロい × 安い × 早い (dirty, cheap, fast). I can vouch for the menu being cheap, and the booking was fast. The value sits almost entirely in one door: the first-timer course. The 50-plus and marshmallow courses are good deals only if you never extend, and the welcome-back coupon quotes a number the system page doesn't back up.
My checklist for a first visit:
- Take the 85 min ¥10,000 or 130 min ¥15,000 first-timer course and say 新規特設コース.
- Check into a Koiwa hotel first. Transport is ¥0. Every station on the list adds ¥1,000.
- If you book a 70-minute special course, don't extend. Book the longer tier instead.
- Book ahead if you want a specific woman. You're covered for ¥1,000 if she drops out.
- Ask about the welcome-back price on the phone. Don't trust the coupon math.
Koiwa is the edge of the map, and the shop knows it. It prices like it has to give you a reason to ride out past Kinshicho, and for a first visit it does.